experiencing life through an always-nuanced worldview.

Today, I came to the realization that relative to my time spent on things, I do not spend enough time reading for myself — reading books on my own to-read list, reading up on current news/events in the political, social, and economic spheres…

While I give myself credit for the overloaded class + extracurricular schedule I always have for myself, relative to my own time management and time-spent-on-other-things, I could totally be reading “for myself”…it’s just that I choose not to.  One “excuse”/reason is that many books I do want to read tend to be nonfiction (thus usually more ‘dense’/educational)…which makes this type of reading similar to the types of readings I have to do for my classes (so then it’s as if I never get a break), but it honestly is NOT an excuse.

I started to think about how much I used to read through middle school and the first half of high school… And I realized that partially, it was because I really did not watch TV. Nowadays, I’m following TOO many shows for my own good and perhaps spending too much time socializing on weekends… And that’s when I realized/decided that this type of hedonistic lifestyle I’ve adopted for myself during my free time isn’t really what I want for myself. Or is it?

I watch so many TV shows and indulge in mindless activities…all of this only makes me  a victim fallen prey to our escapist-, entertainment-obsessed society that I too criticize. I mean, while I am not watching TV shows/indulging in mindless activities, I know it’s not like I’m “wasting my life away” and being unproductive, but when I do have the “free time,” I AM being “unproductive.” Perhaps we all need the “mindlessness” of such activities and the escapism into worlds that are not our own — but when done in excess it becomes a dangerous lifestyle, at least for myself.

I always used to justify my love for mindless things, such as watching chick flicks, watching trashy TV shows, watching non-trashy-but-purely-entertainment-based TV shows, etc. by saying it is one of the few times my poor, over-analytical and over-evaluative brain gets to rest… Maybe it’s true. But it does not serve as an excuse!!!

Anyway…this has been probably one of my more pointless rambles… Just documenting my “journey” of attempts for self-improvement, don’t mind me…