Recently I read some of the blog entries I wrote about 1.5-2 years ago.. (all of those links under “The Girl”). And damn have I changed. Some of those entries..some of my thoughts are quite scary. Looking back, I’m not sure how I allowed such intense pessimism and cynicism to get the best of me. Damn did those feelings have such great impact on me. It’s funny because looking back and reading them, I think I could pinpoint the main thing(s) that led me to write all those different entries, and I could still remember how I felt back then..those memories are still very real, but I think I’ve learned to move on and accept certain facts (if you could call them facts) about life, and not be so hung up over things that just aren’t worth getting hung up on.

I think maybe it just didn’t quite hit me just how much my ideology and way of looking at things in life have changed until I started reading Moby Dick again for Philosophy. I remember when I first finished reading Moby Dick two years ago, how much I idolized Ahab and how much I seemed to have identified with him. A little part of me still does worship Ahab (or more, the idea of Ahab and what he stands for) and his actions, but nowadays I’d say I am much more like Ishmael if anything… and none of this probably makes sense if you haven’t read Moby Dick but if you haven’t, you should..it’s such an amazing book and the ideas in the book are just..amazing. Too much amazing’s but that’s the only word I can seem to come up with.

I think my classes this past semester have exposed me to more ideas and ways of life. I’ve realized that I shouldn’t live my life with such conviction that I become narrow-minded and closed to new and different ideas, especially those pertaining to “religion” and the principles behind religious beliefs. Yes, I am an Atheist. My core, fundamental beliefs and world views haven’t changed..those are still the same. And I still hold strong convictions about them. But that doesn’t mean I can’t open my mind to all the other ways of life, because learning and understanding different ideas makes life all the more worth living and definitely more interesting. And although I may never (and am not sure I’d be able to nor want to) understand fully all the other ideologies and ways of life, there is no harm for me in attempting to do so, right?

In my philosophy class, we’re about to cover Moby Dick. I get to re-read it..and, even better, hear what my professor has to say about it. I’m so excited.

Call me a nerd if you want, but I don’t care!

I love my class.