Back in high school, I once had a conversation with a friend about human beings always striving for something higher, wanting more than what they already have. Back then, we concluded that such is human nature: as kids, we grow up, go to school, continue onto higher education, establish a career, get married, settle down, have kids, want our kids to grow up to be just as successful, etc. etc. From one stage to the next, we strive for more — be it for better or for worse. We are never quite satisfied with what’s in our lot. Now, don’t get me wrong: this is not a bad thing; it was merely an observation.

So, what does that have to do with anything? Well, recently, I’ve consciously acknowledged myself doing this, and have been trying to determine why it is that I seem to want to strive for more.

In the past few months, I’ve thought about studying abroad for a semester in Europe. Last semester, I decided that I wanted to go abroad to London, England. So, when this semester rolled around, I began to look for programs and universities that I wanted to attend. I even planned out my class schedule for the next 2.5 years, to see if I could still graduate and have taken everything for my simultaneous degrees, which actually worked out (in my plan, that is). Anyhow, it wasn’t until I realized that I couldn’t go abroad to London through the UC Education Abroad Program (EAP) for Spring semester of next year that I re-evaluated my decision.

I’ve had battles in my mind about this for quite some time now, and I’m trying to possibly convince myself that I needn’t study abroad for a semester because:

1. I already went abroad this summer to Taiwan (which “technically” may not count, seeing as I’ve lived in Taiwan before and have family there…)
2. With my simultaneous degree/double major, my class schedule will be tight. In London, I’d be taking classes for elective requirements only.
3. The class selections at King’s College (where I would have gone) are not broad at all.
4. I want to take so many electives that is offered for the undergrad program of the Haas School of Business.

However, I DO want to study abroad in London because of an idealized image/scenario I have in my mind about how it would be: me in a new city, with new and interesting people, attending school in a foreign place, having an amazing time going out both during the day and nights…

It is then that I realize: this is what I used to think, before I came to college. This is what I thought/wanted (minus the “foreign”/”new”, persay) my summer abroad in Taiwan. I had the time of my life in Taiwan this summer. I lived my “study abroad dream,” meeting new people, going to places in Taipei I never really knew existed, attending school… Coming to college in Berkeley, studying abroad in Taiwan, all of these experiences–it’s the same thing, in my head, which makes me wonder why I seem to have/want “new experiences.” I guess I don’t take time to realize that me being in Berkeley, away from home, is the “new/foreign” place; it was and still could be a place where I’m meeting new and interesting people, having an amazing time day/night; I am living my dream.

So what is it about my life that makes me want to continue and ask for more, continue to ask for a new scene? I don’t believe I’m unhappy right now, I don’t believe the people I’m around are un-interesting… So what the hell is it?!

I’m confused as ever but needless to say, I most likely will not be going abroad. Although I would love, love, love to stay for a month or two in London one day…preferably in the next few years, if I have the money to do so.

I guess we’ll see.

Wow, it’s been forever since I’ve posted something…this always tends to happen! But anyhow, I’m on summer break now and I must say, it is so relaxing! I spend my days sleeping in, tanning, exercising when I can, and basically just doing nothing much. I do feel unproductive though..like I’m wasting my days away, but whatever..it’s summertime and when else do I really get to just waste my days away? I have been doing some bitchwork for my mom though…changing all of our bills to paperless, changing the mailing address (since we moved) of pretty much everything, and other very boring but must-be-done things for my mom since she’s busy and I, quite frankly, am not.
The only not so happy thing about my break thus far is that I am still sick. I got bronchitis back in early April (I think)..and it went away when finals time came rolling around, but once finals were over, it came back again. It increasingly got worse as I came home and I did go see the doctors again, who prescribed me antibiotics and other meds, but nothing is really seeming to work. So I still have a nasty cough and can’t sleep that well at night… It is definitely detracting from my otherwise perfect summer vacay..
This summer I plan on living by a new summer regime: getting tan, getting fit, and eating healthy. So far i have done all three, but the fact that I am sick is also keeping me from reaching my full potential (haha)! Well okay..also the fact that I am lazy and I really don’t like exercising but have to force myself to. My sister is such a good motivator… I go when she goes for the most part. This kind of summer regime is something I have wanted to do/told myself to do the past couple summers but never actually followed through. Well, this year is a year of change. I am actually doing things I have told myself to do, putting my words into action. So how can I not put into action my summer regime?? It seems only sensible that I do that too!
I suppose I may just as well recap my first year in college, now that it’s all over. I must say: I have not been this happy in a very long time. I absolutely love Berkeley and am in love with my school…When I first got there or was preparing myself to go, I definitely had my doubts. I knew not to expect too much, because I’ve learned that having too high of expectations means getting let down when things don’t meet my expectations. So, I went into college with yes, some expectations, but not expecting everything to change. However, like I mentioned before, I put my words and thoughts into action. This past year, I got involved with things I care about and did what I’ve always wanted to do. First semester, I joined CalPIRG’s Campus Climate Challenge campaign. I went to Washington D.C. and attended the largest youth conference in history for global warming and lobbied Senators and Representatives. On campus, I did grassroots work. I also joined a business environmental consulting group, the perfect mix of two things I am interested in. Second semester, my friend Amber and I started our own campaign on hunger and homelessness, with a focus on West Oakland. We recruited campaign members and ran the largest CalPIRG campaign on our campus. Okay, so we didn’t do as much as I’d hoped to, but that will change next semester.
Friendship-wise, I definitely made a couple of new friends that I intend to keep for a while. I learned to be comfortable around them and, this time around, my friends and I actually have some fundamental things in common!
Academically, I think it’s about as I expected. It was pretty hard for the most part, and I don’t think I’ve ever studied as much as I did for my 2nd semester finals as I’ve ever studied in my life. My classes turned out okay; they weren’t amazing, but they were about what I expected.
But my point is that this year, I did pretty much everything I’ve wanted to do. I got involved, I did relatively well in my classes, I made great new friends, I learned how to study hard and play hard, and I finally am happy with the person I’ve become. I am no longer the brooding girl who sat at home wishing her life were different or wishing she’d done things differently; instead, I became the girl who went out there and MADE her life different and DID things differently. If there is anything I learned this past year, it is that I am in charge of my life and I can choose the kind of person I want to be: actively seeking, changing, and adapting is the best way to go.