Archive for the ‘ Life ’ Category

Convictions, interconnectedness, and getting out of despair

Note: This post will be making a lot of references to The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoevsky, so it may be a bit incomprehensible…and will basically be a ramble.

So I just wrote a 7-page paper on why Dostoevsky believes Ivan does not know how to deal with suffering and why Alyosha does…but I didn’t get a chance to try and figure out how this applies to my life. That’s the whole reason I’m taking this class on existentialism, isn’t it? To attempt to figure out why my so-called existentialist philosophy on the world may or may not work for me… So, I’m going to try and flesh out my thoughts here.

While I argue in my paper that Ivan does not know how to deal with suffering, and that his view on the world is problematic, I find myself identifying with the majority of Ivan’s beliefs. Here are some examples:

  • “the absurd is only too necessary to earth. The world stands on absurdities, and perhaps nothing would have come to pass in it without them. We know what we know! …I made up my mind long ago not to understand. If i try to understand anything, I shall be false to the fact, and I have determined to stick to the fact” (Dostoevsky 220).
  • “What do I care for a hell for oppressors? What good can hell do, since those children have already been tortured?” (221)

However, a discrepancy between Ivan’s and my views is that he oscillates between claiming God exists and God does not exist; for me, God does not exist. Perhaps I don’t have a clear understanding of Ivan’s belief about God’s existence. But the fact of the matter is, he did not existentialize God the way Alyosha seemed to have been able to.

For Alyosha, the existentialization of God was the ability for him to get in touch with agape love – the Christian love of brothers, an “interestedness” in people. Through such, he is able to escape suffering and despair. I like to believe that I have “existentialized God” in the sense that the meaning others attribute to God, I’ve attributed to other things in my life. Vague, perhaps. But at the same time, how could I have ever existentialized God if I were never really exposed to it in the first place? That’s the issue with my trying to understand the philosophies of philosophical thinkers Dostoevsky, Kierkegaard, and the like: that they come from a background of Christian religion (or even Western religion, at that), and that it was after they were exposed and taught it, that they attempted to reconcile such with their own existential beliefs. What am I reconciling?

I’ve had friends who wanted me to go to church and try and be exposed to Christian teachings. It’s one thing to be exposed to it — which I have, mildly, through most of my classes involving philosophy and/or English — but it’s another to attempt to learn it for your own life and own philosophy. I honestly just don’t see the need to do that, because why would I need to learn about Christian teachings only to have to reconcile those teachings and “beliefs” that I may obtain with my current views?

Anyhow, that wasn’t the point – the point is that I need to figure out what it is I’m missing – the steps between Ivan and Alyosha… Because in the novel, Ivan goes into despair and becomes crazy. I argue that it’s his logical nature and his need to rationalize everything with reason that becomes his downfall. For me, I reason things – to an extent. But then it’s like Ivan’s own quote about the absurdities. There are things on earth (and even beyond, if you’d like to believe) that we can never understand – that I can never understand. I’m trying to, which is why I even take these classes to begin with, but I know that there are always going to be aspects of our existence that are just incomprehensible and inexplicable. But I’m okay with that.

…And I think that’s what may be “bad.” Ivan was okay with it – or so he thought. His doubts and so-called “convictions” come back to haunt him and, in my reading, attribute to his downfall/craziness. I can see my similarity to Ivan: we are both so convicted in our convictions. What if that’s all we have? I always like to think that it’s enough, that it is all we have and that’s the beauty of it…Because what I believe, I so strongly believe it’s true for me, that there can be nothing else of a fundamental truth in my mind. Is it bad, to have this strong of a conviction, through reasoning?

Alyosha, on the other hand, gets in tune with this interconnectedness and “agape” love that Dostoevsky supposed believes we need to do. How do I do this, via a non-Christian context? Alyosha does it by existentializing the religious sacraments and being incarnation of God (or, rather, Dostoevsky existentalizes them..), but what would be the need for me to existentialize these sacraments if I never had them in my life to begin with?

So, somehow, I need to figure out how to get “in touch” with this interconnectedness amongst people. I don’t think it’s really socially or anything in that sense. A disconnect I can pinpoint would begin with basically the content of this post. In my lifetime, I’ve come across very few people who share similar sentiments or are even willing to discuss these types of issues with me. I think it’s difficult for me to feel “interconnected” with others in this sense when I don’t feel like I can connect with others philosophically(?). But I don’t think it’s so much that they need to have the same philosophy as I do, for what would be interesting to discuss then?, but as that few people think about these issues and question their beliefs. Again, this is probably an issue I’ve struggled with for who knows how long now, but I think the fact that I still feel this disconnect is something that should be figured out… But how??? Practically, it’s not really possible. Who has time to think about fundamental beliefs such as these. Some people don’t want to, because then it shakes the very foundations of their existence…etc.etc.

…so what is it?? I’m confusedddddddd. Obviously I’m not going to evaluate my life and philosophy exactly as how Dostoevsky pictured it, for how do we even know 100% that that was really even his philosophy? But it’s an everyday struggle (yes, I am being overly dramatic) in figuring out how we (myself include, and perhaps the human race too…and no, I am not trying to be patronizing nor all-knowing) get out of despair and find meaning in our lives, or else everything is rendered ‘pointless’ and what would be the point of that?

Note: My reading of Dostoevsky’s Brothers Karamazov is via my professor’s (Professor Hubert Dreyfus) interpretation of the novel. The class it’s for is “Existentialism in Literature and Film.”

Also, I have written a follow-up entry to this: “Creating and discovering new suns..” as of May 8, 2010.

2009
11/07
CATEGORY
Academics
Life
Thoughts
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3 comments

Perpetual Oscillation

“He who despairs of the human condition is a coward, but he who has hope for it is a fool.“ – Albert Camus

So this quote has been on my WordPress “drafts” for quite a while now, because every time I want to write about this, I lose motivation and decide to not. But every time I come back to this draft and re-read this quote, the more I identify with it – but in opposite ways.

Some days, I’ll be the “he who despairs,” and others, I’ll be the “he who has hope.” And another day, I’ll be neither – somewhere in the middle as I think Camus intended.

It’s funny, because just last night, as I was reading through the numerous articles for my research paper on social entrepreneurship, I came across an article “Social Entrepreneurs and Catalytic Change” by Sandra A. Waddock and James E. Post, in which it discusses who a “catalytic social entrepreneur” is:

“The activities of social entrepreneurs can thus be distinguished from those of other types of public entrepreneurs by 1) the fact that social entrepreneurs are private citizens, not public servants, 2) their focus on raising public awareness of an issue of general public concern, and 3) their hope that increased public attention will result in new solutions eventually emerging…It is this latter aspect that gives rise to the term “catalytic.”

And I guess that is the one problem I have with that description. That is is the hope that may (or may not) result in new solutions.

If there’s anything I’ve discovered in my twenty years, it’s that hope is never enough. Hope can get you through the day, hope can sometimes bring about change, but it never guarantees change. This may be too tied into my own personal beliefs and philosophies, but the way I see it, one can never rely on and hope for others to change. We can try to change people, to change their beliefs and actions, but we can never guarantee it. Again, hope is never enough.

My too-demanding nature often leads to disappointment, because in every way (both on a personal and more global) level, I want that “hope” directed into reality. And so in reading this article, I would conclude that I disagree. If anything, a catalytic social entrepreneur must not hope that public awareness will bring about change: they must guarantee it and be the ones to bring about this change.

Now, is that too much to ask? Am I, too, being too hopeful? Here we go, a classic case of Rosalind-contradicting-herself. I don’t know – you tell me.

More recently than probably the last two years, I’ve become more cynical, more pessimistic once again toward “human nature” or specifically toward politics and existing injustices. I can never reconcile in my mind the fact that injustices will always exist but the fact that they are, as term itself states, unjust. And it’s not enough for me to want to change these injustices (i.e. my desperate – ha – and determined drive to break into social entrepreneurship and somehow succeed) at my present state and time, while instead of learning actual stuff I wished I were learning, I am instead reading other material I find irrelevant. It definitely doesn’t help, either, to be once again reminded of the “politics IS money” perspective which I realized I’ve tried to ignore. It’s one thing to realize this, but it’s another to have to constantly confront it and be okay (or NOT okay, both lead to the same results) with it.

I do know that “little things” count, and that small grassroots movements add up to become huge revolutions. But I’m still waiting for that. And, in a way, I guess I gave up. I lost faith in the “public” grassroots-movement-model and instead am turning to another sector for answers. Am I just too impatient? Do I need to try and stick it through? Am I really just wasting my time?

God, what does it all mean anyway?? What’s the point of it all? I hate my brain sometimes.

2009
07/28
CATEGORY
Life
Social Entrepreneurship
Thoughts
14 comments

“Book studying” versus “Real world application”

So as finals time rolls around, I’m sitting on my bed, typing this blog entry, lazy as ever… I took my first “final” today (although it technically doesn’t count as one) and will take another one tomorrow, and yet the actual “Finals week” hasn’t even started. And yet I’m lazy, tired, and kind of overrrr it!

It’s hard to motivate myself to study for certain subjects in school sometimes because it feels like the material I’m learning will hardly help me in the “real world.” I think that’s a problem most students face nowadays, and I wonder: is the disconnect between “book studies” and “real world application” actually there, or is it something us students make up?

I guess I’d say it’s both – for some material taught, it really is all “book studies” and yet for others it can be very applicable. I can see students (like myself too, sometimes) using the “it’s not even going to help me in real life” excuse to get out of studying, even though in the end it probably doesn’t affect anyone but themselves…

Or, I could view this “disconnect” another way: the lack of motivation for me to study for certain subjects/classes is manifested in me spending my time doing other things, such as participating in the #SocEntChat May 2009 that happened yesterday afternoon. Let’s digress for a second– What is #SocEntChat?!

#SocEntChats is a Twitter-based real-time discussion on social entrepreneurship themed around specific issues/areas/events each month. It is designed for current and aspiring social entrepreneurs, funders, media and supporters to share their ideas, discuss the state of the field, identify the latest innovations and pinpoint areas requiring more exploration… (more information is provided here)

I spent the next hour or so reading and particpating in some really great discussion about social entrepreneurship (see my previous blog entry on social entrepreneurship) at universities and also touched upon the very topic I just talked about – the disconnect, and whether or not school/education/grad-school prepares one for going into the field of social entrepreneurship.

After the chat, I spent one more hour just reading other articles/browsing Twitter/more web stuff on social entrepreneurship instead of studying..

It seems so paradoxical (not sure if this is the right word to use here…) that I’d rather engage in conversation about topics I’m actually interested in rather than spend my time studying for a class that seems like it’s not going to help me much. But people don’t go to school and get “an education” for no reason, so I’m sure one way or another it’s supposed to help me down the line, but it’s just hard to see how in the moment…

Anyway, at this point I think I’m just rambling, so I’m going to stop.

Meanwhile, feel free to share your thoughts on this!

2009
05/07
CATEGORY
Academics
Family
Life
Social Entrepreneurship
Society
Thoughts
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4 comments

Social Entrepreneurship

Today, I came across an article: The business of doing good: How to start a social enterprise. Over the past year or so, I’ve learned about “social business” (as first introduced to me through Muhammad Yunus’ book, Creating a World Without Poverty), its principles nicely defined on Mike’s blog post. Since then, I’ve browsed the web, searched for articles about social entrepreneurship/social business, and read about different accomplishments by social entrepreneurs. I’ve decided that the terms “social business”, “social entrepreneurship”, and “social enterprise” all pretty much embody the same message – using business to provide a social benefit. The three terms do mean different things, although I think as of now there has not been as much distinction between the three. The “business of doing good” article, I believe, refers to “social enterprise” as also a “social business.” I just came across an article that defines each, which after reading, I believe my goal is a social purpose business (“social business”).

The article that I came across today just so happened to very concisely put together different aspects of a social enterprise, so I figured I’d share (for my own future reference as well) parts of the article.

What exactly is the difference between an entrepreneur and a social entrepreneur?

Social entrepreneurs differ from their traditional counterparts in the way they view the world. If your sole concern is to expand your own bank balance then the sector isn’t for you but if you want to make a difference beyond putting the odd pound in a charity box, setting up a social enterprise could be the perfect way to achieve your aims.

I remember the first time I was introduced to the concept of a “social business.” For the longest time, I knew I wanted to “use business to change the world”, as I used to say. I didn’t know that such a concept was already in place and in practice (this tends to happen quite a lot – humans are way smarter than I give them for..naive me!). I remember being thrilled by this realization.

So how does a social enterprise “provide a social benefit”?

How you decide to invest your profits is another key early stage decision. Some businesses give away their income, while others provide a product or service which directly benefits a social cause and reinvest the profits back in the business for staff and product or service development issues.

What I’ve always dreamed of is the latter part – using business itself as part of the solution, directly benefiting society in some way.

Lastly, the one aspect of starting and running a social business that both daunts and excites me is that not only does a social business provide a social benefit, it must — as all businesses must — be profitable. There are reasons why businesses are successful. And although I sometimes do not like to admit it (and sometimes do not support the most “profitable businesses”, since some businesses/corporations engage in exploitation, etc.), at the end of the day, money a one of the most key factors in a business. But this is why a social business makes perfect sense to me:

Cliff Prior, chief executive of social enterprise funding body UnLtd, believes persistence is key. “It’s tougher for social entrepreneurs because they’ve got to watch a double or even triple bottom line rather than solely cash and profit,” he explains. “They will face some obstacles and lack of understanding from potential investors or business partners so they must have an extra degree of resilience to tackle it.”

So, at the end of the day, the conclusion is the same one I arrived at last year, when I found and realized that starting a social business is my life calling – that not only do I have to be great, I have to be exceptional. Now the question is – do I have what it takes?

Sometimes I feel like I do, and most other times I feel completely inadequate. I always feel as if I have no experience, no knowledge of just what “social benefits” I’d want to target and provide. I see so many problems in the world — even just in the Bay Area or even back home in Orange County — but I don’t seem to know where I’d ever start to tackle the problems. I also feel as if me being in school doesn’t help much either, because although I’m living in a community where hunger and homelessness is a prevalent and serious issue, I don’t feel involved enough in attempting to alleviate the problem. My work with the hunger and homelessness campaign I co-ran last year, along with my experiences volunteering at a youth shelter, and even my participation in planning a hunger & homelessness conference don’t seem enough. I only feel as if I am just on the outskirts of fulling understanding the issue.

I think what I really need to do is get out there and allow myself to experience full immersion into a community, with the real locals, for me to even begin to understand the underlying problems of a greater issue, but I don’t think me being in school will really allow me to do that. Or am I just making excuses for myself? There is a time for “book learning” as they call it, and there is also a time for “real-world application,” and right now I’m only getting a small dab of each. I think I’m going to look into some programs or “travel scholarships” (read: The Fulbright Program) to further enrich my knowledge, so that I actually have a clue about what I’m talking about and then one day (hopefully not too far in the future) start a social business.

2009
04/05
CATEGORY
Academics
Life
Social Entrepreneurship
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6 comments

Ros

22. Graduate of UC Berkeley with degrees in Chinese & Business Administration. Works in corporate communications with a community & sustainability focus. Progressive. Interested in sustainability, CSR, social business & entrepreneurship, and Web 2.0. Loves music. The color yellow. San Francisco. Philosophy, particularly existentialism. Enjoys involvement in world issues. Let's connect :)

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