Human communication is something that touches all of our lives – whether or not we like it, we have to communicate with others. And if we cannot do it well, then we’ll find ourselves having a hard time building trustworthy, substantial, long-lasting relationships with people.

I don’t know if most people will agree with me on this, but I feel like there’s a difference between communication skills you use in business/the workplace versus the communication skills you use in your personal life. With personal relationships, the wall of courteousness required in the workplace comes down – and the truth comes out.

Sometimes, it’s blunt. And what I’ve learned over the years is that blunt does not mean good. “Bluntness = the truth = everyone should face it”, as much as I used to believe in it, is not always the best way to go. The “truth” (which usually means one’s own opinion) isn’t necessarily the truth, and even if it is, most people do not like to hear it nor accept it. So I’m defining “truth” as an opinion about an issue, trait, or decision relating to the other party. Usually the “truth” just becomes a more objective opinion.

A journey I’ve – finally, consciously, perhaps – have embarked on in the past 6-7 years or so of my life is this confusing yet important learning exercise on communication. In a short-list, here’s the trajectory I’ve gone on in these past years, which has affected both my verbal and online communications:

Too blunt and broadcasting everything
V
Learning how and when to bite my tongue
V
Biting my tongue too much

I’ve tried to think about what factors (people, situation, perspective) have contributed to this progression. Here are the realizations (bolded) I’ve made (which led to a change in my own communication style) and the results and conflicts (italicized) I’ve faced –

• Difference in perspective. Just because I think something doesn’t mean the other person does too.
  Sometimes people want your perspective and opinion, they just don’t (know how to) ask for it.
• We’re grown up now. We’ve reached the age where we need to be responsible and accountable for our own decisions and lives.
  We’re not as grown up as we think, sometimes. Even peers our own age can provide guidance.
  
• Sometimes, people just don’t want to hear it. Who wants to be the person to be the blunt-”truth” preacher? Most people don’t like to be with these individuals who remain on their high-horses and tell you “as it is.”
  But sometimes, they just need to hear it – they don’t have to follow it. If your opinions and sentiments matched that of others, they may eventually “get” it, if they hear it enough times.
  
• Decouple opinion with judgment – at least in the way you say it. Listen. Understand. And be supportive. Incorporate these 3 things and respond with an opinion without judgment.
  Taking out the judgment from opinion is not always easy – and is harder than it seems.

A majority of the bolded realizations I’ve made have made me the communicator that I am today. But, in making all of these “realizations” and modifying the way I communicate with others, I’ve started to learn some of the italicized “lessons.” These lessons – some of which I am still processing and internalizing – have affected the relationships with those I found/find closest to me.

In the midst of all of this, I’ve become almost the opposite of who I was – at least it could seem that way from an external point of view. I’m still opinionated the same way I was – in the sense that I’ll speak up on social, environmental, and political issues. But when it comes to communicating my opinions about the people I’m closest to, I’m only able to do that really with two — or three, at best — people in my life.

Somehow, I’ve become a watered-down version of myself. In a way, it’s a good thing – for the realizations listed in this post. But the lessons I’m getting are making me re-evaluate the way I talk to people in my personal life.

And maybe I’m just still learning – maybe this is a life-long learning exercise on “communication”, after all.

Knowing me, if I want to make a change and balance the “realizations” with the “lessons”, talking about this out loud with others is not going to be enough. I need to internalize this in my head…and be able to express them through writing too. Writing is one of the only ways I’ve ever been able to make sense of things in my head, so that I can articulately (or as articulate as I’m capable of at this time) express my thoughts and opinions.

I want to make changes; no, I need to. I must find the medium between what I’ve had to learn the hard way (the realizations) — and the consequential results (the lessons), so that I’m no longer biting my tongue too much. I want to start building better relationships with people in my life.

So this is me, trying to find my voice again.

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It’s hard to motivate myself to study for certain subjects in school sometimes because it feels like the material I’m learning will hardly help me in the “real world.” I think that’s a problem most students face nowadays, and I wonder: is the disconnect between “book studies” and “real world application” actually there, or is it something us students make up?

I guess I’d say it’s both – for some material taught, it really is all “book studies” and yet for others it can be very applicable. I can see students (like myself too, sometimes) using the “it’s not even going to help me in real life” excuse to get out of studying, even though in the end it probably doesn’t affect anyone but themselves…

Or, I could view this “disconnect” another way: the lack of motivation for me to study for certain subjects/classes is manifested in me spending my time doing other things, such as participating in the #SocEntChat May 2009 that happened yesterday afternoon. Let’s digress for a second– What is #SocEntChat?!

#SocEntChats is a Twitter-based real-time discussion on social entrepreneurship themed around specific issues/areas/events each month. It is designed for current and aspiring social entrepreneurs, funders, media and supporters to share their ideas, discuss the state of the field, identify the latest innovations and pinpoint areas requiring more exploration… (more information is provided here)

I spent the next hour or so reading and particpating in some really great discussion about social entrepreneurship (see my previous blog entry on social entrepreneurship) at universities and also touched upon the very topic I just talked about – the disconnect, and whether or not school/education/grad-school prepares one for going into the field of social entrepreneurship.

After the chat, I spent one more hour just reading other articles/browsing Twitter/more web stuff on social entrepreneurship instead of studying..

It seems so paradoxical (not sure if this is the right word to use here…) that I’d rather engage in conversation about topics I’m actually interested in rather than spend my time studying for a class that seems like it’s not going to help me much. But people don’t go to school and get “an education” for no reason, so I’m sure one way or another it’s supposed to help me down the line, but it’s just hard to see how in the moment…

Anyway, at this point I think I’m just rambling, so I’m going to stop.

Meanwhile, feel free to share your thoughts on this!

Related posts:

• The Greek World
• Research Paper on Social Business
• Social Entrepreneurship

First off — my sister, a friend, and I made banana muffins, although they actually taste more like banana bread instead. Either way, they came out DELICIOUS! I made these twice. Here is the recipe, courtesy of CC:

Makes 12 servings
Low calorie, low fat muffins from allrecipes.com

Ingredients

• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 1 tablespoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/8 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1 cup bananas, mashed
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 1/4 cup applesauce
• 1 egg
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease muffin cups or line with paper muffin liners.
2. Mix together flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt. In a separate bowl, beat together banana, sugar, egg and vanilla. Stir in the applesauce and vanilla. Stir banana mixture into flour until just combined. Scoop batter into prepared muffin cups.
3. Bake in preheated oven for 15 to 20 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into center of a muffin comes out clean. Let cool before serving. For best flavor, place in an airtight container or bag overnight.

Notes: Instead of using plain sugar, we used brown sugar.

Next up, my sister and I made Veggie Burger Patties. The recipe (also courtesy of CC) –

Makes 6 servings

Ingredients

• 1 zucchini, grated
• 1 potato, peeled and grated
• 1 carrot, grated
• 1/4 cup onion, grated
• 1/2 tsp oregano
• 2 egg whites

Directions

1. Combine ingredients, mix well.
2. Pour 1/2 cup batter on hot griddle.
3. Fry 2 to 3 minutes on each side.

These were..quite interesting. I’m not sure I’d make it again, but they turned out similar to those “potato pancakes” I see in the grocery stores that I always want to buy but never do. The inside of the patties didn’t seem to get fried; only the outside did, but maybe it’s supposed to be that way? My sister and I ate them with ketchup and mustard. If we didn’t, the patties really didn’t have much taste.

Two nights ago, my sister and I made “Stuffed Shells with Red Sauce,” a recipe from Skinny Bitch in the Kitch. This recipe was basically pasta shells, home-made red sauce, and “Tofu ‘Ricotta’”. We put a bit too much garlic in it though (this seems to be a problem for me..I always do this) so it came out a bit too salty but it was very delicious nonetheless. The coolest part of this recipe was the Tofu “Ricotta” — it was: extra firm tofu, garlic, oregano, extra virgin olive oil, sea salt, and a food processor/blender to blend it all together that actually did taste like ricotta cheese!! It’s craaaazy! I would definitely make that again, although it kind of took us forever.

My most recent endeavor with cooking was tonight, when I tried to make mashed potatoes and failed miserably. I attempted to make “healthy” mashed potatoes (see recipe here)  but it definitely did NOT turn out yummy. I think it’s most likely because I didn’t use butter as you’re supposed to in actual mashed potatoes..instead I just used chicken stock (?!). Maybe I don’t cook enough to know the actual recipe of mashed potatoes or whatnot, but anyhow, my mashed potatoes turned out too dry and again, I put too much garlic. Dammit!!! I think I was probably supposed to add more chicken stock to make the consistency better but by then I gave up since we ate KFC and had mashed potatoes anyway. Mission failed!!

Alright, well there are my most recent cooking adventures (if you could call them that). At least they all mostly succeeded!

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