However, Ivan’s positing of his world as the truth is problematic: the “escape” Ivan creates is one of wavering conviction. In the progression of the novel, Ivan’s convictions come back to haunt him via the Devil in his nightmare. Ivan characterizes the Devil as his “illness…, the incarnation of…only one side of [him]…, the nastiest and stupidest of [his own thoughts]” (Dostoevsky 592). In his self-proclaimed belief of absolute nothingness, much like a passive nihilist, Ivan gets into a feeling of despair. Ivan claims everything to be “disorderly, damnable, and perhaps devil-ridden chaos” (207-208). Later on, all the worlds of God and Satan are “not proved, to [his] mind” (597). Ivan clings onto the need for proofs, rationality, and logic in order to justify his true world he has created. However, Ivan’s despair and confusion is the natural result of the “escape” that follows from the first two psychological stages of nihilism.

Ivan develops his philosophy by relying on reasoning, logic, and rationality. However, he does not realize that “the strength of knowledge does not depend on its degree of truth but… on the degree to which it has been incorporated” (The Gay Science; 169). Ivan has not incorporated his knowledge and philosophy into his character and his being. He created his beliefs through logic, on the notion that there exists nothingness and that faith in a higher being cannot and does not provide value for him. Logic and reason, however, prove faulty for the basis of “truth.”

…

What Ivan would have needed was to reach the third psychological state of nihilism. This last state begins with the realization that the reason one must invent and create a new true world is derived from one’s psychological needs (The Will to Power), just as “achieving,” “becoming,” and “aims” are psychological needs. Thus, one then concludes that one has “absolutely no right” to the truth one has created, by which one can then realize that “the reality of becoming…[is] the only reality” and there remains no reason to convince oneself that there exists a “true” world. When aim, unity, and being – the highest values – devaluate themselves, Nietzsche argues that one should become an active nihilist in order to truly grasp and take advantage of life…[Ivan] did not want to discover another world because he became obsessed with trying to find meaning and make sense of the one sun, the one world he was in.

Ivan should have embraced the realization that there is no truth by becoming a free spirit and living life dangerously. When Ivan’s god began to die – began to lose its meaning –  Ivan slipped into further despair and confusion; an active nihilist, in hearing that the old god is dead, would feel “as if a new dawn shone on [him]” and his heart would overflow with “gratitude, amazement, premonitions, expectation” (The Gay Science; 280). The active nihilist would view the old god’s death as a wonderful opportunity to venture out into the unknown, into the “open sea,” and embrace “what is beautiful, strange, questionable, terrible, and divine” (346).

Herein lies where, in the past 6 months (however long ago it was that I wrote this paper/took this class…) I think I’ve come to my own understanding of “life” and reconciling the seemingly “meaningless” world with an amazing, “beautiful..terrible..divine” life I am living. So this is my new sun, and while I am relishing in this “new sun” I am going to embrace the meaning I derive from it, until one day — if ever — my god/sun/meaning begins to die or devaluate itself…by which point it will be time to venture onto a new sea.

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• Convictions, interconnectedness, and getting out of despair
• The Greek World
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So I just wrote a 7-page paper on why Dostoevsky believes Ivan does not know how to deal with suffering and why Alyosha does…but I didn’t get a chance to try and figure out how this applies to my life. That’s the whole reason I’m taking this class on existentialism, isn’t it? To attempt to figure out why my so-called existentialist philosophy on the world may or may not work for me… So, I’m going to try and flesh out my thoughts here.

While I argue in my paper that Ivan does not know how to deal with suffering, and that his view on the world is problematic, I find myself identifying with the majority of Ivan’s beliefs. Here are some examples:

“the absurd is only too necessary to earth. The world stands on absurdities, and perhaps nothing would have come to pass in it without them. We know what we know! …I made up my mind long ago not to understand. If i try to understand anything, I shall be false to the fact, and I have determined to stick to the fact” (Dostoevsky 220).

“What do I care for a hell for oppressors? What good can hell do, since those children have already been tortured?” (221)

However, a discrepancy between Ivan’s and my views is that he oscillates between claiming God exists and God does not exist; for me, God does not exist. Perhaps I don’t have a clear understanding of Ivan’s belief about God’s existence. But the fact of the matter is, he did not existentialize God the way Alyosha seemed to have been able to.

For Alyosha, the existentialization of God was the ability for him to get in touch with agape love – the Christian love of brothers, an “interestedness” in people. Through such, he is able to escape suffering and despair. I like to believe that I have “existentialized God” in the sense that the meaning others attribute to God, I’ve attributed to other things in my life. Vague, perhaps. But at the same time, how could I have ever existentialized God if I were never really exposed to it in the first place? That’s the issue with my trying to understand the philosophies of philosophical thinkers Dostoevsky, Kierkegaard, and the like: that they come from a background of Christian religion (or even Western religion, at that), and that it was after they were exposed and taught it, that they attempted to reconcile such with their own existential beliefs. What am I reconciling?

I’ve had friends who wanted me to go to church and try and be exposed to Christian teachings. It’s one thing to be exposed to it — which I have, mildly, through most of my classes involving philosophy and/or English — but it’s another to attempt to learn it for your own life and own philosophy. I honestly just don’t see the need to do that, because why would I need to learn about Christian teachings only to have to reconcile those teachings and “beliefs” that I may obtain with my current views?

Anyhow, that wasn’t the point – the point is that I need to figure out what it is I’m missing – the steps between Ivan and Alyosha… Because in the novel, Ivan goes into despair and becomes crazy. I argue that it’s his logical nature and his need to rationalize everything with reason that becomes his downfall. For me, I reason things – to an extent. But then it’s like Ivan’s own quote about the absurdities. There are things on earth (and even beyond, if you’d like to believe) that we can never understand – that I can never understand. I’m trying to, which is why I even take these classes to begin with, but I know that there are always going to be aspects of our existence that are just incomprehensible and inexplicable. But I’m okay with that.

…And I think that’s what may be “bad.” Ivan was okay with it – or so he thought. His doubts and so-called “convictions” come back to haunt him and, in my reading, attribute to his downfall/craziness. I can see my similarity to Ivan: we are both so convicted in our convictions. What if that’s all we have? I always like to think that it’s enough, that it is all we have and that’s the beauty of it…Because what I believe, I so strongly believe it’s true for me, that there can be nothing else of a fundamental truth in my mind. Is it bad, to have this strong of a conviction, through reasoning?

Alyosha, on the other hand, gets in tune with this interconnectedness and “agape” love that Dostoevsky supposed believes we need to do. How do I do this, via a non-Christian context? Alyosha does it by existentializing the religious sacraments and being incarnation of God (or, rather, Dostoevsky existentalizes them..), but what would be the need for me to existentialize these sacraments if I never had them in my life to begin with?

So, somehow, I need to figure out how to get “in touch” with this interconnectedness amongst people. I don’t think it’s really socially or anything in that sense. A disconnect I can pinpoint would begin with basically the content of this post. In my lifetime, I’ve come across very few people who share similar sentiments or are even willing to discuss these types of issues with me. I think it’s difficult for me to feel “interconnected” with others in this sense when I don’t feel like I can connect with others philosophically(?). But I don’t think it’s so much that they need to have the same philosophy as I do, for what would be interesting to discuss then?, but as that few people think about these issues and question their beliefs. Again, this is probably an issue I’ve struggled with for who knows how long now, but I think the fact that I still feel this disconnect is something that should be figured out… But how??? Practically, it’s not really possible. Who has time to think about fundamental beliefs such as these. Some people don’t want to, because then it shakes the very foundations of their existence…etc.etc.

…so what is it?? I’m confusedddddddd. Obviously I’m not going to evaluate my life and philosophy exactly as how Dostoevsky pictured it, for how do we even know 100% that that was really even his philosophy? But it’s an everyday struggle (yes, I am being overly dramatic) in figuring out how we (myself include, and perhaps the human race too…and no, I am not trying to be patronizing nor all-knowing) get out of despair and find meaning in our lives, or else everything is rendered ‘pointless’ and what would be the point of that?

Note: My reading of Dostoevsky’s Brothers Karamazov is via my professor’s (Professor Hubert Dreyfus) interpretation of the novel. The class it’s for is “Existentialism in Literature and Film.”

Also, I have written a follow-up entry to this: “Creating and discovering new suns..” as of May 8, 2010.

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• Creating and discovering new suns..
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Anyway, the main focus on my paper is –

While social entrepreneurship historically has been in practice, it has recently become an emerging field. In this paper, I am going to examine social entrepreneurship and the model and application of social business. More specifically, I will investigate the potential for poverty alleviation through social businesses serving the “bottom of the pyramid” (BOP) as a market.

In my paper, I evaluate the nonprofit vs. for-profit model, including discussion on the fundamental core values of what it means to be “nonprofit” vs. “for-profit.” I also discuss whether or not investors that invest in social businesses should get a return on their investment. Additionally, my paper examines the potential for partnerships between BOP communities and multinational corporations.

Anyway, the point of me posting it online is to get feedback on points made in my paper. Seeing as I am not a social entrepreneur, and I have no experience in social business, I’d really like some feedback on the different issues I discuss. I’m positive that there are many points I made that may have no basis in my argument, and can be refuted. I’d love to hear it — it will definitely be a learning experience for me. Furthermore, it’d be great to have some discussion about social business as a model and the potential for poverty alleviation.

View my paper here (PDF): Social Entrepreneurship and Social Business

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I do want to say though, that for the 1.5 days I was in Hong Kong, I fell in love with it. I realized that I LOVE the “big city” feeling; not just that, but I loved how metropolitan it was, without all the smoggy air, horrible traffic, etc. Hong Kong was densely crowded, but it was just.. nice. I don’t know, I really liked it. I did ONLY spend 1.5 days there,  though, so I can’t quite make any judgments just yet. I want to try and go back..soon, if time/money permits.

Right after my trip to Asia, I flew straight back for summer school. I’m taking three courses: The Social, Political and Ethical Environment of Business, Business Communication, and Marketing. They’re..alright, I suppose. Not absolutely fascinating or anything, but not useless either. I’m halfway done as of the end of this week, thank goooodness.

I’m also interning at World of Good this summer as a marketing intern. I really have only been interning there for about two weeks, so I’m still dipping my feet in the water… But I do hope I learn a lot. We’ll see.

Anyhow, I kind of blogged just to update. I don’t have anything substantial I quite want to say, and I really don’t like updating when I have nothing to say (i.e. this post). When I have something better to say, I shall update again.

Until then…

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Although I’m no English and/or writing-based major at my school, I’ve always been sort of in love with writing… Okay, so I may sound quite nerdy, but it’s the truth. Somehow, when I’m writing an essay or paper, I will always find a way to be inspired or be somewhat excited about what I’m writing: in doing so, I allow myself to become fully enwrapped by whichever topic or subject I’m writing about, and thus actually learn something from writing. I may not have the best writing skills, and maybe I do kind of suck at citing correctly and using MLA-format the right way, but at least I still enjoy writing!

And that’s really just the point of Uberessay.com. Personally, when Hannah approached me with the idea, I definitely and instantly agreed to help co-found it, because it’s something that I hope everyone who wants to be apart of can become a member of. My hopes for Uberessay are to foster a community that promotes discussion and fosters learning for all contributors and readers, as well as to develop a reliable and decent resource that we can all (in the future, hopefully) refer to when writing our own papers.

So, if you’ve written a great essay this past year – and anytime in your college career – please consider submitting it! And, if you have any feedback, please let me know. I would love to hear it!

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It’s hard to motivate myself to study for certain subjects in school sometimes because it feels like the material I’m learning will hardly help me in the “real world.” I think that’s a problem most students face nowadays, and I wonder: is the disconnect between “book studies” and “real world application” actually there, or is it something us students make up?

I guess I’d say it’s both – for some material taught, it really is all “book studies” and yet for others it can be very applicable. I can see students (like myself too, sometimes) using the “it’s not even going to help me in real life” excuse to get out of studying, even though in the end it probably doesn’t affect anyone but themselves…

Or, I could view this “disconnect” another way: the lack of motivation for me to study for certain subjects/classes is manifested in me spending my time doing other things, such as participating in the #SocEntChat May 2009 that happened yesterday afternoon. Let’s digress for a second– What is #SocEntChat?!

#SocEntChats is a Twitter-based real-time discussion on social entrepreneurship themed around specific issues/areas/events each month. It is designed for current and aspiring social entrepreneurs, funders, media and supporters to share their ideas, discuss the state of the field, identify the latest innovations and pinpoint areas requiring more exploration… (more information is provided here)

I spent the next hour or so reading and particpating in some really great discussion about social entrepreneurship (see my previous blog entry on social entrepreneurship) at universities and also touched upon the very topic I just talked about – the disconnect, and whether or not school/education/grad-school prepares one for going into the field of social entrepreneurship.

After the chat, I spent one more hour just reading other articles/browsing Twitter/more web stuff on social entrepreneurship instead of studying..

It seems so paradoxical (not sure if this is the right word to use here…) that I’d rather engage in conversation about topics I’m actually interested in rather than spend my time studying for a class that seems like it’s not going to help me much. But people don’t go to school and get “an education” for no reason, so I’m sure one way or another it’s supposed to help me down the line, but it’s just hard to see how in the moment…

Anyway, at this point I think I’m just rambling, so I’m going to stop.

Meanwhile, feel free to share your thoughts on this!

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The article that I came across today just so happened to very concisely put together different aspects of a social enterprise, so I figured I’d share (for my own future reference as well) parts of the article.

What exactly is the difference between an entrepreneur and a social entrepreneur?

Social entrepreneurs differ from their traditional counterparts in the way they view the world. If your sole concern is to expand your own bank balance then the sector isn’t for you but if you want to make a difference beyond putting the odd pound in a charity box, setting up a social enterprise could be the perfect way to achieve your aims.

I remember the first time I was introduced to the concept of a “social business.” For the longest time, I knew I wanted to “use business to change the world”, as I used to say. I didn’t know that such a concept was already in place and in practice (this tends to happen quite a lot – humans are way smarter than I give them for..naive me!). I remember being thrilled by this realization.

So how does a social enterprise “provide a social benefit”?

How you decide to invest your profits is another key early stage decision. Some businesses give away their income, while others provide a product or service which directly benefits a social cause and reinvest the profits back in the business for staff and product or service development issues.

What I’ve always dreamed of is the latter part – using business itself as part of the solution, directly benefiting society in some way.

Lastly, the one aspect of starting and running a social business that both daunts and excites me is that not only does a social business provide a social benefit, it must — as all businesses must — be profitable. There are reasons why businesses are successful. And although I sometimes do not like to admit it (and sometimes do not support the most “profitable businesses”, since some businesses/corporations engage in exploitation, etc.), at the end of the day, money a one of the most key factors in a business. But this is why a social business makes perfect sense to me:

Cliff Prior, chief executive of social enterprise funding body UnLtd, believes persistence is key. “It’s tougher for social entrepreneurs because they’ve got to watch a double or even triple bottom line rather than solely cash and profit,” he explains. “They will face some obstacles and lack of understanding from potential investors or business partners so they must have an extra degree of resilience to tackle it.”

So, at the end of the day, the conclusion is the same one I arrived at last year, when I found and realized that starting a social business is my life calling – that not only do I have to be great, I have to be exceptional. Now the question is – do I have what it takes?

Sometimes I feel like I do, and most other times I feel completely inadequate. I always feel as if I have no experience, no knowledge of just what “social benefits” I’d want to target and provide. I see so many problems in the world — even just in the Bay Area or even back home in Orange County — but I don’t seem to know where I’d ever start to tackle the problems. I also feel as if me being in school doesn’t help much either, because although I’m living in a community where hunger and homelessness is a prevalent and serious issue, I don’t feel involved enough in attempting to alleviate the problem. My work with the hunger and homelessness campaign I co-ran last year, along with my experiences volunteering at a youth shelter, and even my participation in planning a hunger & homelessness conference don’t seem enough. I only feel as if I am just on the outskirts of fulling understanding the issue.

I think what I really need to do is get out there and allow myself to experience full immersion into a community, with the real locals, for me to even begin to understand the underlying problems of a greater issue, but I don’t think me being in school will really allow me to do that. Or am I just making excuses for myself? There is a time for “book learning” as they call it, and there is also a time for “real-world application,” and right now I’m only getting a small dab of each. I think I’m going to look into some programs or “travel scholarships” (read: The Fulbright Program) to further enrich my knowledge, so that I actually have a clue about what I’m talking about and then one day (hopefully not too far in the future) start a social business.

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So, what does that have to do with anything? Well, recently, I’ve consciously acknowledged myself doing this, and have been trying to determine why it is that I seem to want to strive for more.

In the past few months, I’ve thought about studying abroad for a semester in Europe. Last semester, I decided that I wanted to go abroad to London, England. So, when this semester rolled around, I began to look for programs and universities that I wanted to attend. I even planned out my class schedule for the next 2.5 years, to see if I could still graduate and have taken everything for my simultaneous degrees, which actually worked out (in my plan, that is). Anyhow, it wasn’t until I realized that I couldn’t go abroad to London through the UC Education Abroad Program (EAP) for Spring semester of next year that I re-evaluated my decision.

I’ve had battles in my mind about this for quite some time now, and I’m trying to possibly convince myself that I needn’t study abroad for a semester because:

1. I already went abroad this summer to Taiwan (which “technically” may not count, seeing as I’ve lived in Taiwan before and have family there…)
2. With my simultaneous degree/double major, my class schedule will be tight. In London, I’d be taking classes for elective requirements only.
3. The class selections at King’s College (where I would have gone) are not broad at all.
4. I want to take so many electives that is offered for the undergrad program of the Haas School of Business.

However, I DO want to study abroad in London because of an idealized image/scenario I have in my mind about how it would be: me in a new city, with new and interesting people, attending school in a foreign place, having an amazing time going out both during the day and nights…

It is then that I realize: this is what I used to think, before I came to college. This is what I thought/wanted (minus the “foreign”/”new”, persay) my summer abroad in Taiwan. I had the time of my life in Taiwan this summer. I lived my “study abroad dream,” meeting new people, going to places in Taipei I never really knew existed, attending school… Coming to college in Berkeley, studying abroad in Taiwan, all of these experiences–it’s the same thing, in my head, which makes me wonder why I seem to have/want “new experiences.” I guess I don’t take time to realize that me being in Berkeley, away from home, is the “new/foreign” place; it was and still could be a place where I’m meeting new and interesting people, having an amazing time day/night; I am living my dream.

So what is it about my life that makes me want to continue and ask for more, continue to ask for a new scene? I don’t believe I’m unhappy right now, I don’t believe the people I’m around are un-interesting… So what the hell is it?!

I’m confused as ever but needless to say, I most likely will not be going abroad. Although I would love, love, love to stay for a month or two in London one day…preferably in the next few years, if I have the money to do so.

I guess we’ll see.

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Even so, taking classes in Chinese literature at school both last semester and again this semester, I’ve come to realize how little I actually know about Chinese history, culture, and literature. Last semester in one of my classes, I studied various poets and writers of the pre-modern Chinese era. When I was younger and taking Chinese School — not even in school in Taiwan — I remember reading the famous poems of poets such as Li Bai (in Chinese). In my class last semester, we read the poems in translation (English) and discussed the cultural and historic background and influences on such poems and poets. Sadly, I think that was one of the only classes I’ve ever taken in my 19 years that really covered any part of Chinese history or Chinese literary history. This semester, in another Chinese literature class, we are reading the great Chinese novel Story of the Red Chamber (or Story of the Stone). Almost everyone in my class had read that book in Chinese/English before, or at least knew something about it. I knew nothing. I am almost ashamed at how little I actually know about my own culture.

That is one reason to why I almost wished I had lived in Taiwan for a few years longer than I did. In second grade, I wouldn’t have learned the great Chinese poets nor about the timeless Chinese classics; why would I? We never learned any history in first or second grade either, and I don’t expect to have. I suppose the kind of “cultural education” I’m saying I wished I received would probably have been junior high or beyond. But obviously, had I lived in Taiwan until then, my grasp of the English language would probably have not been as strong and I probably would have had an English accent. Moving here in elementary school gives one the best of both worlds in eliminating any accent on either end of the two languages.

Anyhow, even if I did wish I had gained more insight and knowledge of my own culture, it’s never too late to start. I am happy my school has such a great Chinese (East Asian) Department. Thank you, Berkeley!

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Anyhow, the gist is that I’m trying to be more social this semester and have more fun than last semester, and with my lighter (supposedly, anyways) load of classes, I hope I will continue to do so.

More updates later. Meanwhile, Happy Chinese Lunar New Years and have a good week to all!

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