Coming to Terms with the World
After talking to my friends and slowly “growing up” (if you can call it that), along with an enjoyable summer (the summer of 2007), I’ve slowly come to terms with the world and what I used to believe was “human weakness.”
I have concluded that although I cannot change the world, I can try to change the people around me and the community in which I can influence. After going to college at UC Berkeley, I’ve joined a grassroots organization called CalPIRG, and an environmental consulting group as well. Doing this kind of work has made me realize that I can make a difference, even if it’s on a small scale.
I think that during this “depression” phase, I was just truly unhappy with the person I was, the friends I had, and the place I lived. When I went to college, I think I began to actively change myself (and am still in the process) to become a person that I want to be. No, this is not some “new identity” or “reinventing myself” as some people do. Instead, it’s improving myself to be a person I’m proud of and a person who truly represents my opinions and beliefs.
I have come to accept some of these “human weaknesses” I used to rag on. And, in all honesty, it does sometimes still hurt. Deep down, I guess I am still a bit sad that we do have to accept (what I used to call) “mediocrity.” But I guess what I didn’t realize it that that is how the world operates. And that it will be like that for a very long time, if not forever. But I learned to look for the positive things (such as some of the grassroots work I do, and the people I do it with, because they care just as much as I do), rather than the negative things.
My senior year of high school, my AP Lit teacher made us read the book Moby Dick by Herman Melvhille. It was quite boring at times — after all, the book is about a giant sperm whale… — but a character in the book, Ahab, truly remains my hero. I don’t know why I identified so much with this character, but (in short summary), Ahab tried to kill Moby (the giant whale that symbolized God, the higher powers, and what you can’t control), and died doing so. Some view Ahab as a stupid idiot, but I view him as a hero. He fought for what he believed in, even if he died doing it. It is something I wish I could do, but I know that living in the society we have today, it is pretty impossible.
My friend asked me once if I had a dream job. Or a dream anything. And I thought about it, and realized that I didn’t. Or, at least, that was my reply. My academic/career plan is to get into the business school at UC Berkeley. And after some thought, I realized that what I truly want to do (and I do know this is only an ideal, but just go along with me here..) is to start a revolution in which businesses are no longer selfish and conservatively Republican, and in which businesses start to care about the outside world and causes such as poverty and do something about it. So, that is my dream. I want to begin a revolution.
