I am terribly sorry for the lack of updates recently; I am trying to get back into this, but now with school starting up again, it may be a bit difficult. In any case, my past winter vacation was filled with quite some traveling — I returned to Taipei, Taiwan once again for about 10 days to visit family and actually met up with quite a few of my Berkeley friends in Taiwan! The latter half of my break included my visit to New York City.

So it has always been a dream of mine to live and work in NYC after I graduate. Honestly, I think it’s the fact that it’s a large city, and with large cities comes the romanticized view of what life is supposed to be like in a huge city. Anyhow, I hadn’t been back to NYC since fifth grade, which was the first time I visited the east coast. My sister and I went to New York during early January, which is supposedly one of the worst/coldest times to visit, apparently. It was freeeezing cold and I literally felt like I was in a refrigerator whenever I was outside. I wouldn’t say that my visit will deter me from searching for a job there post-graduation, but I think it isn’t a “priority” to find a job and live in NYC after I graduate. Perhaps it’s the freezing weather that is a bit scary for me (seeing as I am a West-Coaster, after all). But, after much reflection, it’s also the fact that NYC may not be the optimal place to find a job in the social entrepreneurship / social enterprise field. SF one of the major hubs for social ventures nowadays, and while I am sure NYC houses some great social enterprises as well, there are just more options in SF. But honestly, who really knows until I start looking for jobs (which will not be until next year anyways) whether or not NYC may or may not be a potential place after all?!

To speak of my future travel plans, I will actually be traveling with two of my best friends to Europe this summer! I am beyond ecstatic, as I have never had a chance to travel with friends (it has always been with family and family-friends, which has also been amazing to have the opportunity to have traveled with them). We will be going to London, Amsterdam, Athens, and Greek islands Ios, Mykonos, and Santorini. I will then be leaving the trip early, and my friends will be journeying onto Rome, which I am terribly jealous that I will be missing but am nevertheless happy beyond belief to have the chance to travel to Europe this summer!

If you have been to any of those places and would like to make suggestions as to what is fun, interesting, and amazing to do, please let me know!

Note: This post will be making a lot of references to The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoevsky, so it may be a bit incomprehensible…and will basically be a ramble.

So I just wrote a 7-page paper on why Dostoevsky believes Ivan does not know how to deal with suffering and why Alyosha does…but I didn’t get a chance to try and figure out how this applies to my life. That’s the whole reason I’m taking this class on existentialism, isn’t it? To attempt to figure out why my so-called existentialist philosophy on the world may or may not work for me… So, I’m going to try and flesh out my thoughts here.

While I argue in my paper that Ivan does not know how to deal with suffering, and that his view on the world is problematic, I find myself identifying with the majority of Ivan’s beliefs. Here are some examples:

“the absurd is only too necessary to earth. The world stands on absurdities, and perhaps nothing would have come to pass in it without them. We know what we know! …I made up my mind long ago not to understand. If i try to understand anything, I shall be false to the fact, and I have determined to stick to the fact” (Dostoevsky 220).

“What do I care for a hell for oppressors? What good can hell do, since those children have already been tortured?” (221)

However, a discrepancy between Ivan’s and my views is that he oscillates between claiming God exists and God does not exist; for me, God does not exist. Perhaps I don’t have a clear understanding of Ivan’s belief about God’s existence. But the fact of the matter is, he did not existentialize God the way Alyosha seemed to have been able to.

For Alyosha, the existentialization of God was the ability for him to get in touch with agape love – the Christian love of brothers, an “interestedness” in people. Through such, he is able to escape suffering and despair. I like to believe that I have “existentialized God” in the sense that the meaning others attribute to God, I’ve attributed to other things in my life. Vague, perhaps. But at the same time, how could I have ever existentialized God if I were never really exposed to it in the first place? That’s the issue with my trying to understand the philosophies of philosophical thinkers Dostoevsky, Kierkegaard, and the like: that they come from a background of Christian religion (or even Western religion, at that), and that it was after they were exposed and taught it, that they attempted to reconcile such with their own existential beliefs. What am I reconciling?

I’ve had friends who wanted me to go to church and try and be exposed to Christian teachings. It’s one thing to be exposed to it — which I have, mildly, through most of my classes involving philosophy and/or English — but it’s another to attempt to learn it for your own life and own philosophy. I honestly just don’t see the need to do that, because why would I need to learn about Christian teachings only to have to reconcile those teachings and “beliefs” that I may obtain with my current views?

Anyhow, that wasn’t the point – the point is that I need to figure out what it is I’m missing – the steps between Ivan and Alyosha… Because in the novel, Ivan goes into despair and becomes crazy. I argue that it’s his logical nature and his need to rationalize everything with reason that becomes his downfall. For me, I reason things – to an extent. But then it’s like Ivan’s own quote about the absurdities. There are things on earth (and even beyond, if you’d like to believe) that we can never understand – that I can never understand. I’m trying to, which is why I even take these classes to begin with, but I know that there are always going to be aspects of our existence that are just incomprehensible and inexplicable. But I’m okay with that.

…And I think that’s what may be “bad.” Ivan was okay with it – or so he thought. His doubts and so-called “convictions” come back to haunt him and, in my reading, attribute to his downfall/craziness. I can see my similarity to Ivan: we are both so convicted in our convictions. What if that’s all we have? I always like to think that it’s enough, that it is all we have and that’s the beauty of it…Because what I believe, I so strongly believe it’s true for me, that there can be nothing else of a fundamental truth in my mind. Is it bad, to have this strong of a conviction, through reasoning?

Alyosha, on the other hand, gets in tune with this interconnectedness and “agape” love that Dostoevsky supposed believes we need to do. How do I do this, via a non-Christian context? Alyosha does it by existentializing the religious sacraments and being incarnation of God (or, rather, Dostoevsky existentalizes them..), but what would be the need for me to existentialize these sacraments if I never had them in my life to begin with?

So, somehow, I need to figure out how to get “in touch” with this interconnectedness amongst people. I don’t think it’s really socially or anything in that sense. A disconnect I can pinpoint would begin with basically the content of this post. In my lifetime, I’ve come across very few people who share similar sentiments or are even willing to discuss these types of issues with me. I think it’s difficult for me to feel “interconnected” with others in this sense when I don’t feel like I can connect with others philosophically(?). But I don’t think it’s so much that they need to have the same philosophy as I do, for what would be interesting to discuss then?, but as that few people think about these issues and question their beliefs. Again, this is probably an issue I’ve struggled with for who knows how long now, but I think the fact that I still feel this disconnect is something that should be figured out… But how??? Practically, it’s not really possible. Who has time to think about fundamental beliefs such as these. Some people don’t want to, because then it shakes the very foundations of their existence…etc.etc.

…so what is it?? I’m confusedddddddd. Obviously I’m not going to evaluate my life and philosophy exactly as how Dostoevsky pictured it, for how do we even know 100% that that was really even his philosophy? But it’s an everyday struggle (yes, I am being overly dramatic) in figuring out how we (myself include, and perhaps the human race too…and no, I am not trying to be patronizing nor all-knowing) get out of despair and find meaning in our lives, or else everything is rendered ‘pointless’ and what would be the point of that?

Note: My reading of Dostoevsky’s Brothers Karamazov is via my professor’s (Professor Hubert Dreyfus) interpretation of the novel. The class it’s for is “Existentialism in Literature and Film.”

This blog post is part of Akhila’s “Be the change” series and is also posted on her website here. Much thanks to Akhila for hosting this awesome series – I suggest you check out all the other entries! All have great insight
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I’ve been attempting to find time and contribute to this awesome blog series “Be the change” thanks to Akhila, and of course, I am writing this instead of working on a paper that’s due in a few days.

Prior to attending school at UC Berkeley, all I knew was that I was interested in “business” and “changing the world” (or more specifically, I used to say “starting a revolution”). Little did I know that individuals such as Muhammad Yunus were already doing so! My friend introduced me to the concept of “social business” and “social entrepreneurship” around second semester of my freshman year, and that was when it all began.

I embarked on a Google-ing, internet-searching quest to learn more about this concept, and ended up first reading Yunus’ book, Creating a World Without Poverty: Social Business and the Future of Capitalism. From then on, I’d continue to read articles, books, and scour the Internet for more about social entrepreneurship and social business.

I often stop and reflect on why it is I seem to have this insatiable need and want to help others and improve the lives of the less fortunate. For the most part, I think it’s because I have grown up with so much opportunity laid in front of me, the privilege of living in a nice community and have the comfort and support of my parents. Maybe I was too comfortable that I became uncomfortable with my comfort. Does that make sense?

Perhaps it’s why I want to pursue a career in poverty alleviation through the power of social business and entrepreneurship. I happened to be born into a family that gave me the opportunity to obtain a good education. It was chance that I was born in Taiwan to parents who wanted to pursue a better life in the United States and brought my sister and I here. What about others who live in poverty and are not presented with the opportunity of obtaining an education, of living a privileged life? How is it their fault?

It’s not, and it’s a thought that resounds in me and propels me forward. I joined a student grassroots organization CalPIRG my freshman year, and by the second semester my friend and I started the Hunger and Homelessness Campaign, where we tried to tackle food insecurity in West Oakland. I then proceeded to help plan, in collaboration with two other student groups on campus, a conference on hunger and homelessness in the Bay Area. On the side, I worked with a local homeless shelter to establish and implement recycling and composting programs through another student organization BEACN. These experiences have helped me improve my skills and have provided me more insight in ways of addressing poverty. However, the models and methods of social business and social entrepreneurship are what really motivate me.

I’ve found it difficult to advance much in attempting to be more “in” the field (I am so inspired by social businesses such as the one I interned with this past summer World of Good, and projects such as the Allyu Initiative), because I often find myself constrained in my schoolwork and the fact that I am still in school. I’m often impatient in my demands, and too much of the time I’d rather be out there and immerse myself in a community and area to learn about the issues and critically evaluate ways to tackle them. I have to stop and remind myself that my getting an education is an important aspect: I need to focus on learning as much as I can in school so that I can apply it later on.

In the meantime, I have found the Twitterverse and the blogosphere to be of great company. It’s been absolutely inspiring and just plain awesome to be connected to other Gen Y-ers such as Akhila, Dwight, and Leslie and know that there are so many who are interested in similar topics and care about issues other than the best way to maximize profits and how to make the most money. So, I’d like to conclude by thanking Akhila once again for encouraging others to engage in social change and bringing together awesome individuals in this blog series!